“Weep for yourself, my man,
You’ll never be what is in your heart
Weep little lion man,
You’re not as brave as you were at the start
Rate yourself and rake yourself,
Take all the courage you have left
Wasted on fixing all the problems that you made in your own head

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Didn’t I, my dear?

Tremble for yourself, my man,
You know that you have seen this all before
Tremble little lion man,
You’ll never settle any of your scores
Your grace is wasted in your face,
Your boldness stands alone among the wreck
Now learn from your mother or else spend your days biting your own neck

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Didn’t I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?

But it was not your fault but mine
And it was your heart on the line
I really fucked it up this time
Didn’t I, my dear?
Didn’t I, my dear?”

— Mumford & Sons

2017 Recap

It's been a weird couple years, personally and nationally/globally.

Personally, things have been getting better. Letting go of a community of people I loved, and loved being a part of, was really hard, but ultimately it feels like the right choice. It wasn't heathly to get so attached and wrapped up in the (often dramatic) ups and downs of people's lives without the context of everyday 'Real Life,' or to have these 'Internet Friends' act as a support network, emotionally. I realized after a lot of difficulty that I was neglecting the relationships I had with people right in front of me, eager to love and help me to get through the tough times. Treatment for my depression and anxiety has been a huge help, and Heather has been my rock throughout everything.

Work has been fine, there's always good and bad customers and projects, but I really enjoy the consulting profession. I like being able to help people 'fix things' and as much as it's been an asset professionally it's another thing I've had to really rethink when it comes to my relationships. Sometimes you can't fix things, or that it's just not my job to fix it, just to listen and understand. I've been working from home a bit more, which has been nice as I get to spend more time with Tonx and Cake and less time wearing pants.

Kidding. Mostly.

Politically and Culturally, I've seen our nation's highest office dragged lower and lower by a trashfire of a human being, with the singular goal of undoing the work of his predecessor. I've also seen activists, artists, and everyday people work hard to resist the colossal garbage boat that we collectively call 2017.

I got a new iPhone X, too. That's pretty cool. I may get around to writing up a year-end list of software and services I've found handy.

Anyway, it's been a while since I've updated this blog (and I'm sure I have similar posts in 2016, 2015, etc.) but I'll try to keep it a little more current, for the tiny audience I have. I'm also trying to be more active on my 'public' twitter account, @dancatchpole.

I hope you're all doing well too, and if you're not, I hope things get better. They have for me.

Progress

Was finally able to meet with a psychiatrist last Friday. Diagnosis: recurrent major depression. On meds, should start to see results in the next 3-4 weeks.

After taking a week and a half off I finished a 5k with Runkeeper, the interval run training app I've been using since April. Felt awesome.

👟👟

Latest Runkeeper stats

Weight loss is going well, helps that I stopped eating so much garbage and started paying attention to portions. Should be able to hit my goal of ~150-140 sooner than expected.

Gyroscope app (syncs with Fitbit scale) 

Beat another escape room, 3/3 now. A bunch of fun with friends, but very stressful. Plus, while you're focusing on one portion of the puzzle you miss out on other bits. Still, had fun and got to see Heather get scared at a skeleton.

Team Night Trap! 

1 Year Old

Tonx, the sweet little baby we adopted 6 months ago turned 1 today! I might have gone a little overboard with the stickers, but he's such a sweetie.